Hospitals are depressing.

I was terrified to be at the hospital by myself. I have never spent the night away from my kid.. ever. I was sad when they left. I enjoyed the silence but I was sad that they were gone. In fact, just thinking about it makes me sad all over again :/ 

I was eventually hooked up to all sorts of liquid medications. I also had to go down to get another MRI. That sucked a bit because I had the IV in my hand. The tube was smaller. Every time the lady put me in the tube my IV kept catching. Super lame. I also had the diet like my fiance (diabetic) because the medications I was on made my blood sugar get " high". It never went over 120 so ehh. 

Turns out that I was in fact in the middle of some hardcore relapse. I had new lesions. She tried explaining their location to me but I never know what the hell she's talking about. I had people coming in to stick me left & right. My schedule for one of the medicines was bananas so I was being woken up at 3am to get medicine administered for 2 hours. Stupid. 

The night nurse did get me a bunch of food though! I'm not sure if she forgot my diet restrictions but I didn't tell her either lol I was so hungry! The meds made my blood sugar high and gave me the munchies. How STUPID and rude lol 

I realize that doesn't look amazing but it was delicious! :) That nurse was the best! She also brought me those gripper hospital socks lol I had complications with one of my meds the following morning. I'm not even sure what happened but the meds were leaking out and under my skin. My arm started to hurt a lot and it bubbled up. Super gross. Bleh Bleh. 

My guys came to see me later though! My fiance had to take off work for the week to watch our son so he took him fishing! He was having so much fun. He brought his cars in for me to see! 

I had the usual people stop by the next day.. I had to walk around the floor with some belt thing with the physical therapist. I was the only person on the floor that could walk around on my own. The nurses told me I was the "easy one" and they looked forward to seeing me. That's always good I guess lol 

I was there for 5 days. My fiance dropped my son off with one of my friends the morning I was due to leave. He was having fun at the park! 

 My mom was supposed to pick me up. The nurse took forfreakingever to get me ready to go. My mom got there and felt the need to inform me of my "moon face". I had no clue my face was sooo huge until she said something lol It was finally time to leave! My knee's felt weird since I haven't walked a far distance in so long. I couldn't wait to pick my son up! :) 

Relapse? Exacerbation?

My first relapse was a freaking nightmare. You know, most people ask "How do you know when you're relapsing?" Ohh.. you will know when it's bad! Some people say that you don't notice but when you can't lift your foot up to get in the shower? You notice it. 

We moved from Missouri to Illinois and that caused our insurance to cancel out. It took us a long time to get back on insurance after we moved. My Dr' no longer accepted the insurance so I had NO neuro. My prescription was up & needed to be refilled. Long story short, she sucks & kept messing it up. Shared Solutions tried but that Dr' was a poophead. I went months without my medication. 

One day my legs started feeling really heavy. I felt very dizzy. I couldn't stand up very fast without feeling like I was going to fall on my face. It got really hard to walk up the stairs, which is where our rooms & bathroom were. I needed to go up there. It took forever. I had to walk up very weird since I couldn't lift my leg up. I felt soo tired! I wanted to sleep all day. My son at the time was 3 so he felt different about sleeping all day. I wanted to cry.. all. day. long. I had to lift my leg up to get in the car. My fiance had to help me up. Hell.. one day my son took off down the street and my neighbor had to run after him for me because I couldn't move. That feeling.. was just, shit. Complete shit. 

After two weeks of this.. I went to the ER near me. I tried avoiding it for so long because I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say. Hi, I have MS and feel like shit? No. I told the lady at the front desk that I felt like I couldn't breath.. hard time walking, etc. She wasn't listening and had some dude come out to rush me in the back. I started telling the nurse what was going on.. she wasn't listening either. The Dr' came in and I was explaining what was going on. When I said "I have MS and I'm RELAPSING" he thought I was an drug addict that wanted pills.. apparently. He didn't know anything about MS. He treated me like complete shit. I was getting so upset because how he acted is the entire reason I avoided the ER in the first place. People are uneducated and you expect Dr's to know what the hell it is. He accused me of just wanting pills because he was the stupid ass. I ended up ripping the blood pressure crap off of me and going off on him & the nurse. The nurse was a biotch. She was yelling back at me? wtf. I asked for the Dr's name and her name.. she just stared at her screen.. wouldn't say a damn word. I broke down once I hit that parking lot. I couldn't breathe I was crying so hard. How shitty to know that when you feel like you're dying.. no one believes you. 

I ended up just going to the hospital my old Dr' was affiliated with. I went in on Mother's Day last year (2014) I was so nervous to tell the people at the desk what was wrong BUT she actually knew what I was talking about. I was so relieved! I ended up being admitted.. 

Next steps.

Immediately after my official diagnosis.. things seemed to move even faster. Scary fast. We started talking about different medications. My Dr' was extremely persistent about getting on birth control. Apparently, I looked like some sex fiend when I came in? I'm not sure what her deal was but she would say it was least 20x during our appointments. Weirdo. 

She ended up deciding Copaxone was the best fit for me since I wanted to have more kids one day. I was terrified! Injections?! Every single freaking day?! NO WAY! That's what I was thinking in my mind of course. No way would I say that out loud & let anyone know I was scared about something! 

Before I could actually start my medication I had to see the Obgyn. I ended up getting that stupid, awful birth control; Mirena. It wasn't pleasant going in at all! It's there though so that damn Dr' could shut her face hole. 

I called Shared Solutions. I got all my goodies sent to me then I had to schedule another appointment with one of the nurses at the office. She showed me how to do the injections. I think my fear was showing when she took the cap off the syringe. Bleh! Needles are lame! I kept telling her I would do my first injection at home.. but she saw through that! My fiance ended up talking me into doing my first one there. He actually did it for me because that's what we agreed on. That if I couldn't do it, he would do them for me. He's diabetic so he gives himself insulin all day. Boom! First shot down. It itched like a big ol' bitch! I wanted to rip my hip clear off. Bee sting burn.. she gave me an ice pack but that didn't do a damn thing because make me want to itch it even more! 

Months later, I figured out that the injections in my thighs were NOT happening. I rather die or have another baby. I got tired of people acting stupid when I pulled my kit out. Some dumbass thought I was doing drugs? Uneducated people suck. A lot. 

Diagnosis

My needle/test filled road to diagnosis.. 

I was pregnant with my son in 2011. I started to notice I had symptoms of carpel tunnel.. It was so bad! Some days I couldn't open a bag of cheese or my soda! I was starting to worry but I figured it might just be pregnancy related. A few months after my son was born I noticed it didn't go away.. I also started getting really strong headaches. I also thought that had to do with my lack of sleep due to my newborn son lol I just pushed it to the back of my mind. 

In 2013, we finally got on state insurance (yippee) so we were making Dr' appointments left & right. My grandfather had Multiple Sclerosis & my mother has it as well. I didn't want to wait around till things got severely bad to check into it. I figured while I had the insurance.. I might as well. 

The Dr' definitely had a fantastic way of making me feel stupid for looking into it. She felt that if I didn't have significant reasoning to see her then she shouldn't waste her time, I figured out a way to tell her to suck it & do her job.. politely :) There was a bunch of in office tests. Silly things like making me walk as if I were doing a sobriety test. She tickled my foot.. looked at my eyes. Nothing was screaming at her. So, she had me get the god awful nerve conduction test done. I had to complete that test to make sure I didn't actually have carpel tunnel. I hated it. I cried. I turned towards the wall and totally cried. This lady was sticking a stupid vibrating needle in my nerve. Bleh! I did not have carpel tunnel. 

Next on the list was to get my MRI. I was totally freaking the hell out.. I mean, I have big boobs. That tube is SMALL! Luckily, my entire body did not go in. The tech covered my eyes and put headphones in. I couldn't hear the music at all. The machine sounded like construction work. Loud. Annoying. The Dr' still did not see anything screaming at her. She said I had very faint spots that could be migraine spots. Next on the list was a freaking spinal tap. At this point.. I'm convinced the Dr' hates me.. I made the mistake looking up the procedure on google. Don't do that EVER. Terrible idea. I was super nervous. Luckily, my friend works in that department! I was certain that if I moved at all while that needle was in my back.. I'd die or something terrible! It takes forever. It was almost like getting another epidural lol if you've ever had one that is! My friend made sure to stop by while I waited on the table for awhile. It was nice to talk to someone while waiting there! It's been awhile but if I remember correctly, there was nothing major going on!

It was time for another MRI. I had to get one without contrast and one with contrast. This tube was way smaller and I actually had to go all the way inside of it. My boobs were smooshed. I panicked. The nurse was asking if she should take me out for a minute but I saw no point if she was putting me back in there lol My results came back with contrast and holy crapola.. there was something there! The spots on my brain were showing up a bit more. I apparently had some on my spine as well even though I saw nothing on that damn screen! That's when she told me that she was 99% sure I had Multiple Sclerosis. I knew it was coming.. so I acted as if someone told me the sun was out that day. I acted as if it was normal news. I didn't freak out. I didn't cry. I was numb to the situation. I went through hell & back just to figure it out.. I knew it wasn't for nothing. It was about one month or so to figure it out. I've heard it has taken people years to get diagnosed.. so I should feel lucky. The diagnosis would hit me later.. hard.